our chemical romance

It’s amazing to think of the progression of the manufacturing and production industry and how things are made today versus decades past. We used to wear cotton made out of cotton and ate food made of food. All of that is no longer. A combination of an over populated world along with things like longevity, profit, sustainability, cost, availability of materials and so on have transformed every industry on the globe into ones that rely primarily on hazardous chemicals to produce the things around us. Sadly, though, it seems we have grown oblivious to the fact that we are eating foods made out of the same chemicals used in clothing and household products. I say this in a tone not of of condemnation or revulsion, but rather guilt and personal idleness. Convenience and low cost has offered many of us the opportunity to waste no time on simple things like feeding, bathing and clothing ourselves. After all those are the least important tasks of the day, right? Where we really need to focus our time and energy is going harder, faster and stronger – always seeking more (material and verbal praise), always moving, always growing, always striving. Variations in the definition of achieving success far surpass any real understanding of what our lifestyle choices are doing to us on a chemical level, and worse, how much more dangerous and toxic our world is becoming with each passing day. Everything we touch, eat and inhale consists of hundreds if not thousands of chemicals made exclusively for convenient living and bodies riddled with cancer, pain and illness. Our chemical romance is one of deep roots, hot passion and a love that lasts many lifetimes. The kind of love that hurt us so deep but we refuse to let go of.

14 months ago I was blessed with my extraterrestrial “gift” of awareness of the chemicals in everything I ate, drank, touched, inhaled, smelled, felt, sensed, consumed or wore. My body began responding in the most dramatic of fashions (not surprising given my naturally over dramatic personality) by swelling like a blimp, threatening anaphylaxis, inhibiting my ability to breathe, and shutting down my digestive system. After spending weeks exhausting all methods of treatments, none of which explained any of my symptoms or the source, I settled on a plan that would change the way I saw everything and set me on a course of exposing the most unlikeliest of offenders for what they really were. I don’t expect this blog to create a mutiny, start a revolution, or shift human consciousness. I do, however, expect this to be a place where I can share with myself (I have the worst memory) and my kids the journey I am on and the highest of highs and lowest of lows I have experienced in the last year while attempting to navigate my way through a world where literally everyone and everything was trying to kill me. A place where I can remind myself of the funny shit that took place, like the time I drove naked to the airport to pick up my family because I was having an allergic reaction to my pants. Or the time I cried tears of blood after a reaction to bug spray. I also want to remember the horrible days I spent crying myself to sleep, naked, on my closet floor too afraid to eat, touch anything or put on clothes. And most importantly, a place where anyone experiencing anything similar can find compassion, understanding, and maybe even hope. I wanted to die more days than I wanted to live, but I kept going and even though I am not where I would like to be, on the days when I am alive I live to the fullest. I take risks in fashion, tell inappropriate jokes, laugh louder than anyone I know, dance in the produce section, have conversations with tortoises named Big Mama, spend too much money on the most delicious coffee, and keep my dialogue with my best friends always worthy of reality television. I am an alien living on a planet that doesnt want me but I hope that with my stories and recollections of this journey I can help reveal our chemical romance and reliance on a loving someone that never loved us back <3<3<3